Thursday, February 28, 2008



Commuting at 11 in the evening by bus should otherwise be a very relaxing experience. It’s the hour I think: 11 AM means that everyone on the bus is just plain tired and everyone just wants to go home as peacefully as possible. But sometimes this is not the case. There are those who think that ending the day with a bus fight is a good idea. And so:

I’m seated by the window on the three seater bench of the bus. A “higher-than-medium-but-smaller-than-big” girl sits by my side. Everything goes well as we leave the Ayala-Edsa terminal. By the time we reach the Mantrade stop, this “slightly-bigger-than-small” dude with his girlfriend rides the bus. The bus is moving and so they both try to sit down as fast as they can. The smallish dude sits in between me and the biggish girl, and as he does, he accidentally hits Xena the overweight warrior princess.

All hell breaks loose:

Xena: “Ano ba, mag ingat ka nga!!!”

Small Dude: (Keeps quiet and sits. He crosses his arms to feign defiance)

Xena: (in retaliation, she too crosses her arms)

Both try to take up as much space possible:

Xena: ”Bat mo ba ako sinisiksik!!!”

Small Dude: ”Eh ikaw tong naniniksik eh!”

Xena: ”Anong ako, e pagupo mo pa lang sinsiksik mo na ako eh!!!”

The inevitable comment comes:

Small Dude: ”Eh pano ang laki mo!”

Xena: ”At least nakakakain ako ng tama! Eh ikaw?”

They exchange rude comments for at least 2 minutes more. Then the conductor arrives to pacify the air. Note that the conductor is a small, pale, tough looking girl with short hair. Yes, the human mix of the situation is turning things into a comedic affair. The conductor convinces the small dude to just transfer seats. He passes by Xena and both get physical is a funny, sissy way. I’m sorry people; I just can’t describe what a “funny and sissy” physical exchange looks like. Just imagine a very big, fat person thumb wrestling with a midget and the prize of winning will be a million pesos. There you go.

Anyway: soon peace returns to the galaxy and the usual boringness of commuting begins to settle in the air. When we get to Alabang, the small dude goes down and as he walks down the aisle, he intentionally hits seated Xena in the head with his bag.

I saw everything happen. Xena just watched in hatred. I could feel her seething.

I too had to go down and I do so with the outmost care: I wouldn’t want to start another altercation and I’m dead sure that the conductor wouldn’t be able to save my ass if and when Xena goes bat shit crazy.

Oh well.

curiosity killed the cat:

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