Monday, April 17, 2006


film review: Armageddon

it goes with out saying: if I had a peso for every time I’d see this film while riding the bus, id have enough money to produce the sequel. I’m exaggerating of course but then if you ride the bus regularly, you’d get my point. Okay, here’s the low down in 50 words or less:
big rock hurtling towards earth. firing nuke at it not enough to destroy.
professional drillers hired by U.S. sent to space via shuttle to drill hole in
rock. drillers drop nuke into hole and detonate. Earth is saved.
From the comfort of my bus seat, I realize that there may be some truth to the main premise of Armageddon. the Ice Age is believed to have been caused by such an event, a rock from space hits earth, blanketing the skies with dust thus lowering the over all temp of the planet. But really, if we were to be faced with the same scenario, would the final solution involve a misfit drilling team? I don’t think so. But I digress, lets go back to the film:

What can I say, Bruce Willis gave his usual, standard fare Bruce Willis brand of acting. As Armageddon goes, his performance can be dubbed as good to swell. The other main hero though was a bit… hammy. If you didn’t know Ben Affleck you’d think that he was just an amateur actor who was hired because of budget limitations. Liv Tyler on the other hand, well, yummy eye candy with red lips that can give Jolie’s pair a run for, er, their money*.

But for me, the main scene stealers are Rock Hound (Steve Buscemi), Bear (that big black dude from The Green Mile) and Max (the white fat dude). They have a few lines yes, but then they deliver with so much character and wit that you’d remember their parts more than that of the main stars. Below are a few gems:

Rockhound: You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good doesn't it?

Bear (while sobbing in front of a psychoanalyst): I am not crazy! I'm just a little emotional right now, ok? Ya'll throwin all this stuff at me, man! Look, I mean, after this is over, can I like get a hug from you or something?

Max: God, it sucks up here.

Rockhound: You want to compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years. Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes and they let me use explosives, ok?

Harry/BruceWillis: Come on, God, just a little help. It's all I'm asking.
Max: I think we're close enough, He might have heard ya.

Bear: So, did NASA find oil on Uranus?

Max (Undergoing medical checkup): Who's that for? Mr. Ed? You stick that thing in me and I'm going to stab you in the heart with it. You ever see Pulp Fiction?

(military dudes talking to Harry/Bruce Willis)
Rockhound: Harry I swear to God man, she never told me her age.
Harry: It's alright, relax. It's about me.
Rockhound: Oh.

All in all, Armageddon delivers the goods. I give it a 9 out of 10 rating. I have to admit, the film is a very good bus ride movie. The story isn’t complicated and even if you don’t finish the film, you can still imagine how the ending goes. Plus, Armageddon has a lot of explosions** and stressful scenes which is very effective in staving off traffic boredom. Kudos for wayward asteroids!

*- this has got to be the weirdest sentence that I have written in my life.
**- fact: explosions are impossible in space due to the lack of oxygen.

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