Thursday, February 28, 2008
Altercations
Commuting at 11 in the evening by bus should otherwise be a very relaxing experience. It’s the hour I think: 11 AM means that everyone on the bus is just plain tired and everyone just wants to go home as peacefully as possible. But sometimes this is not the case. There are those who think that ending the day with a bus fight is a good idea. And so:
I’m seated by the window on the three seater bench of the bus. A “higher-than-medium-but-smaller-than-big” girl sits by my side. Everything goes well as we leave the Ayala-Edsa terminal. By the time we reach the Mantrade stop, this “slightly-bigger-than-small” dude with his girlfriend rides the bus. The bus is moving and so they both try to sit down as fast as they can. The smallish dude sits in between me and the biggish girl, and as he does, he accidentally hits Xena the overweight warrior princess.
All hell breaks loose:
Xena: “Ano ba, mag ingat ka nga!!!”
Small Dude: (Keeps quiet and sits. He crosses his arms to feign defiance)
Xena: (in retaliation, she too crosses her arms)
Both try to take up as much space possible:
Xena: ”Bat mo ba ako sinisiksik!!!”
Small Dude: ”Eh ikaw tong naniniksik eh!”
Xena: ”Anong ako, e pagupo mo pa lang sinsiksik mo na ako eh!!!”
The inevitable comment comes:
Small Dude: ”Eh pano ang laki mo!”
Xena: ”At least nakakakain ako ng tama! Eh ikaw?”
They exchange rude comments for at least 2 minutes more. Then the conductor arrives to pacify the air. Note that the conductor is a small, pale, tough looking girl with short hair. Yes, the human mix of the situation is turning things into a comedic affair. The conductor convinces the small dude to just transfer seats. He passes by Xena and both get physical is a funny, sissy way. I’m sorry people; I just can’t describe what a “funny and sissy” physical exchange looks like. Just imagine a very big, fat person thumb wrestling with a midget and the prize of winning will be a million pesos. There you go.
Anyway: soon peace returns to the galaxy and the usual boringness of commuting begins to settle in the air. When we get to Alabang, the small dude goes down and as he walks down the aisle, he intentionally hits seated Xena in the head with his bag.
I saw everything happen. Xena just watched in hatred. I could feel her seething.
I too had to go down and I do so with the outmost care: I wouldn’t want to start another altercation and I’m dead sure that the conductor wouldn’t be able to save my ass if and when Xena goes bat shit crazy.
Oh well.
…
curiosity killed the cat: www.savetube.com
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Holy Pomelo!
… I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in
No, I refuse…
Song: The Best of You
Album: In Your Honor (track 1)
Artist: The Foo Fighters
This was the song that played on my MP3 player when the funny incident happened. As the bus ascended the octopus flyover of Mantrade-Magallanes, out of the lower corner of my eye I saw: a pale yellow Pomelo rolling under the seats near the center aisle. My first thought was: holy pomelo. Then, a lady came walking up the bus. She was the owner of the runaway fruit and as she walked, I saw the brightest smiles from my fellow passengers. Everyone who knew was thinking:
“Heee, yung Pomelo, gumulong”
Thank god for round fruits and inclined plane physics. They sometimes make commuting such a joy.
The escaped fruit was recaptured by its owner who promptly incarcerated the restless citrus in a plastic bag. To this day, nothing is known of its fate but your guess is as good as mine. I close this post with a short phrase that I’ll remember when I feel sad:
“Heee, yung Pomelo, gumulong”
…
curiosity killed the cat: www.time.com/time/2007/crimes
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Delays
Life is full of delays and the only way for anyone to come out happy from one is to just see it as an inevitable part of being alive. The events below happened last November 2007; it just took me a while to publish:The bus accelerated towards the first northbound toll gate of Sky Way and as it did, the nauseating smell of burnt rubber assaulted our nostrils. Were doomed, I thought. I knew in my head that we would get stalled the moment the bus decelerated. And true enough, it did. But I was in denial. I didn’t alight immediately. I told my sister to wait. The conductor might fix the dead bus and we’d all be on our way:
We wait 2 minutes. A few passengers pass our way and get down.
5 minutes. More passengers go.
8 minutes: we all go down. Screw it.
I had a meeting that day, and I was already late at the time. My sister was with me because I needed to get money from the bank for her tuition. There is no fighting this. We go to the bus conductor to get a refund. People swarm around
him waiting for the return of their fare, an old dude with his kid acted like an ass. I join the fray. After getting my cash, my sister and I ride the first bus that rumbles along. Soon we reach Makati. By this time, I was already resigned to being late for my meeting, so no rush. I went up to the office with my sister in tow and we went down and walked straight to the bank to get some cash. We meet a taho vendor along the way. I ask my sister if she wants a cup and she says yes. I get one too. The taho was really warm and I could feel it go down to my stomach. Life is good.…
curiosity killed the cat: www.tellmewhyfacts.blogspot.com
Monday, December 03, 2007
eavesdropped: spelling bee
A grade school kid and her somewhat gay male nanny were reviewing for a spelling bee. Everyone on the bus could hear them. Only funny things can ever come out of this:
Gay Male Nanny: “Courageous”
Kid: “C-o-u-r-a-g-e-o-u-s”
Gay Male Nanny: “Gourmet”
Kid: “G-o-u-r-m-e-t”
Gay Male Nanny: “Aisle”
Kid: “A-i-s-l-e”
Gay Male Nanny: “Queet”
Kid: (puzzled) “Queet?”
Gay Male Nanny: “Ay, quiet pala… ay hindi, quite. Quite.”
Kid: “Q-u-i-t-e”
I try as hard as I can to keep a straight face. No go. I laugh through my nose in short bursts. That day I was late for work. But it’s ok. I didn’t mind.
…
curiosity killed the cat: www.howitshouldhaveended.com
